18 Comments

Nice work - nice changes of pace that keep the reader on their toes

Expand full comment
author

Thanks! But you meant toe beans, right? 😹

Expand full comment

Very good, I see what you did there. After a bit of googling I found out what toe beans are, I think its may be a transatlantic two nations divided by a common language thing. My mother never said to us Come inside now and wash that blood off your toe beans before dinner. She just called them paw pads.

Expand full comment

Cool story, lots of twists and turns.

Expand full comment
Apr 18, 2023Liked by Jackie Dana

The story read well. I was intrigued but honestly did not understand it’. The meaning of the license plate? . Maybe it’s because I read no fantasy. I do read fiction but I read more non fiction. . Anyway I have a desire to understand this story. I need help

Expand full comment
author

G4M30VR = GAMEOVER

Expand full comment
Apr 19, 2023Liked by Jackie Dana

Great worldbuilding and pinball specifics. I had a lot of fun reading this. And I recently played Captain Fantastic!

Expand full comment
author

thank you! I had to do a little research for this one.

Expand full comment

That was a fun read!

Expand full comment

> But the ball returned, trapping him in a dead space as it rebounded against the bumpers near him, a deafening bing-bing-bing-bing bumper frenzy.

You've certainly made being trapped in a pinball machine terrifying!

Expand full comment
author

Yay! That was one of my intentions! :D

Expand full comment

Wow, so many visuals. Very Tron-esque in an analog sort of way. Nice work.

Expand full comment
author

Thanks!

Expand full comment

Oh, there was so much to love about this!

Expand full comment
author

Oh wow, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Expand full comment

Very cool story. That definitely "transported" me.

Expand full comment

Nicely done. You had me for whole ride

Expand full comment
author

Thanks!

Expand full comment